DEPRESSED

I dunno why there are mornings when I wake up and realize somethings wrong with the day. It is not a mere feeling. Oftentimes, if not all the time, it is my own instinct telling me that there's a bad day ahead of me.

Just like this morning. I came to the office to work the job of three people - my own assignments, Mia's and Kuya Rommel's. Both of them were absent for the day. I'm not a superwoman. I have all the things in my head but I can only accomplish so little. So then I felt so harrassed. But that's not everything that made this day a torture.

I was checking some plans and realized the great deal of errors in them. It seems that I've been checking plans forever but in vain. Yes, it was really frustrating. I can't seem to connect this with my goals.

Actually. I have no goals. I just want to live one day at a time and grab every opportunity I can get.

I always wanted to travel and to live different lives, but those I have to give up because of my job. I let go of an opportunity to travel to Beijing and Shanghai for 10 days, a 2-week vacation to Xiamen and a 3-month study opportunity to Beijing. I never found time to go to Bohol and Cebu or to go on a roadtrip with me driving. I never had the chance to replicate my favorite cheesesteak sandwich from Brother's Burger. I have no life except this work, which I actually enjoy if isolated as is, but not with the way I let things pass by.

I dunno why I'm doing this to myself. I know I won't go hungry and pennyless if I don't work, but I can't help it. I have my own standards in terms of my own performace. I'm killing myself.

Thanks to my friends who are making effort to expose me to different sides of the world. Hope I can give you more time than what I'm giving now.

I think I'll be having my period soon. Sorry for the drama.