I'M NOT A SPONGE
It's only been almost 2 weeks since the board exams, but I'm now numb about it. I guess the outcome doesn't really matter. It wouldn't affect my life that much. It wouldn't help me achieve more or do less in the future. Why did I waste 5 months? Because my sister and my mom told me so.
Last Friday, I'm supposed to join the Young Professional Group of Grace Christian Church. I wasn't able to attend their night / jogging at UP coz my dad said I cannot go. I cannot go out at night because it's not safe. It's very embarrassing to be an abnormal kid here. Imagine me... telling Enoch Hya..."Sori, di ako pinayagan ng dad ko." Hey, we are talking about a *Young Professionals' Fellowship* here, not fellowship for teenagers or kids.
I just went out with Ros that afternoon. She's the only friend who's still in school and the only person free to go out while the sun is still out. The rest of people my age are out there working 'til sunset. After Ros graduates, I'll be alone, since everybody goes out only at night, unless by good chance, there's no overtime work for some people on Saturdays.
It feels lonely often times, not being able to get out with friends. Everyone's free on Sundays, but that's my self-imposed family day. That's the only time people in the house have time to go out.
Tonight is my 1st attempt to ask my dad for permission to go to China to study. He said "no". He suggested that either I go back to my former work and stay in White Plains or work in his office. By the way, he said this while watching tv. I couldn't even get pure attention. I'm getting fed up. I feel deprived of good opportunities in life. It's so easy to be a rebel right now.
Imagine if I just do everything he says... I'll just be a big looooooser here. Getting a license for architecture wouldn't matter. It wouldn't even make a difference if I did not finish any degree. While other people are being pushed by their parents to achieve things, I'm deprived to pursue things that would give me that sense of achievement. Right now, other people of my age are having a quarter-life crisis about work, worries about board exam results, etc. Good for them, they're all far ahead of me. I'm still having the same problem as that of a grade school kid asking a dad for permission to go out with friends after school when the sun is down.
I believe I already gave up a lot just because my parents said so, and some of them are not easy to accept. I don't know how far should I go to do what parents say. I don't sense a good reason to wake up in the morning if there's nothing to do that would make life challenging. If I were a sponge, I would have appreciated it. I can sleep all day and live on my allowance...But I'm not a sponge!
Last Friday, I'm supposed to join the Young Professional Group of Grace Christian Church. I wasn't able to attend their night / jogging at UP coz my dad said I cannot go. I cannot go out at night because it's not safe. It's very embarrassing to be an abnormal kid here. Imagine me... telling Enoch Hya..."Sori, di ako pinayagan ng dad ko." Hey, we are talking about a *Young Professionals' Fellowship* here, not fellowship for teenagers or kids.
I just went out with Ros that afternoon. She's the only friend who's still in school and the only person free to go out while the sun is still out. The rest of people my age are out there working 'til sunset. After Ros graduates, I'll be alone, since everybody goes out only at night, unless by good chance, there's no overtime work for some people on Saturdays.
It feels lonely often times, not being able to get out with friends. Everyone's free on Sundays, but that's my self-imposed family day. That's the only time people in the house have time to go out.
Tonight is my 1st attempt to ask my dad for permission to go to China to study. He said "no". He suggested that either I go back to my former work and stay in White Plains or work in his office. By the way, he said this while watching tv. I couldn't even get pure attention. I'm getting fed up. I feel deprived of good opportunities in life. It's so easy to be a rebel right now.
Imagine if I just do everything he says... I'll just be a big looooooser here. Getting a license for architecture wouldn't matter. It wouldn't even make a difference if I did not finish any degree. While other people are being pushed by their parents to achieve things, I'm deprived to pursue things that would give me that sense of achievement. Right now, other people of my age are having a quarter-life crisis about work, worries about board exam results, etc. Good for them, they're all far ahead of me. I'm still having the same problem as that of a grade school kid asking a dad for permission to go out with friends after school when the sun is down.
I believe I already gave up a lot just because my parents said so, and some of them are not easy to accept. I don't know how far should I go to do what parents say. I don't sense a good reason to wake up in the morning if there's nothing to do that would make life challenging. If I were a sponge, I would have appreciated it. I can sleep all day and live on my allowance...But I'm not a sponge!
posted by joyce at
7:21 AM
1 Comments:
take 2... you know i was in the same boat. the difference is, kahit ayaw, i did it anyway. you don't need permission from anyone. you just have to permit yourself to make decisions, choices that you can live with. so when you are old (like where i'm going), you will look back and be happy with your choices, no matter what they are... its not how much money you make or how popular you are gonna be. but how you live your life... examine your goals and priorities. there will come a time when you will be accountable to no one but yourself. just make sure you can look in the mirror and smile... alryty??? now, if i can figure out my password on this one...
By
malditatiff, at 10:11 PM
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